There was a nice blog in LinkedIn on this topic and I started to think for myself.
I end up arguing for lot of things. Why? I fear that others might trick me out, they are exploiting the society for personal reasons, they are trying to not do the work, but try hiding behind process and policy. This fear turns in to emotions and under emotion, I go in to argument that is not Results Oriented. I realize later that it would be better that you do not argue. Does this mean one should not ask no questions? NO . Fight Right
Before I argue, I should look answers for
- Is the matter important enough to warrant an argument?
- Is it appropriate to argue about the matter, or at this time?
- Can anything be changed, made different by prevailing in the argument?
- Is the issue worth arguing or what is the change I want to bring in spending my time
If you get a NO answer to any of these questions, there is no point in arguing. when I perform analysis of some of my past arguments, I see the answer to my third question is NO and the answer to my second question is wrong time. If I eliminate the urge to argue, I think I am good and this means no emotions in my arguments. Learn to recognize when a discussion is no longer a discussion, but is escalating to an argument and some tips to help me are
- Don’t respond to the content of their remarks. The less you say, the less likely you are to get drawn into an argument. I always used to think the people who are silent do not have backbones to put their points. NO I have been wrong, they were smart and no there was nothing to argue.
- If you become angry, know that you won’t be able to think calmly, and you’ll probably say or do something you might regret. Think before you speak.
- It takes two or more to argue. By politely refusing to argue, you stay out of it
- Identify your "buttons". These are the things that typically set you off: For me the fear of getting cheated or beliefs shattered. Know that others know where to find your buttons. Recognize someone approaching your buttons, think to yourself, "Ah-hah! This is becoming an argument! :
- Raised voices, Crossing legs, means that i am entering argument.. A good mutual discussion involves both sides listening and attempting to understand each other