I have ever run a marathon and have not first-hand knowledge of what a marathon runners experiences. I now hear from others that start-up experience is similar to marathon experience. Today I am in start-up journey and it is close to 3 years that I moved out of the comfort zone of Proteans. It has not been easy journey, though I seem to enjoy the journey.
Being part of leadership team of start-up is a stressful job and creates emotional turbulence in me. I was not aware of this at time of starting the start-up journey and did not experience being employee in my previous start-up. Proteans has provided me with some good sprints in terms of multiple projects and that was not enough for the marathon.
Being in this journey is what I enjoy most and also also have some money for me has become very important. Earning money has been glucose across the marathon and credit for glucose goes to Guru, GN and Sudhakar. I need to thank the support from these amazing people who valued me as person first.
I juggle across multiple roles and face countless setbacks–unhappy customers, conflicts in the office, staffing problems–all while still continue on the struggle to make payroll for myself and the staff. Sometimes taking responsibility for things makes you feel that you are the master and you realize that you are not.
I fail to get enough sleep. I do not eat at the right times. Then I eat more and this tends to increase my weight. I push myself and abuse my body that creates mood swings, bringing down my productivity. I continue to follow to my week day commitment to spend 20 minute in gym place every day.
I struggle silently and mostly do not want to talk about it. I talk to my friend and founder Guru and he has been rock to empower me to revert back to my stable rational mind. I experience strong emotional states and go through hopelessness, worthlessness, loss of motivation, and suicidal thinking. I realize that the uncontrolled passion is my strength to perform actions and is also my weakness when it raises her head to consume and kills me and make me inactive. I overreact to small things and also realize that emotional state scales more than the scale of actual problem.
I have not accepted a year back that that things did not work. I gave reasons why things do not work, even blamed others a little. I was seeing failure and has not helped me much. I have to change to look forward at the scenario from a learning perspective. Today I see this time as experiment undertaken to learn better of business and about myself. I learnt that even after reading all books and attending gyan sessions, I learnt from my own experience of constant process of trial and error and struggle. Without struggle there is no learning for me and only uncertainty give me the opportunity to struggle.
Earlier I used to identify myself more with my work. I have learnt across tough times and learning to identify myself through the love of your wife, kids and well-wishers. I want to make sure that business does not kill the human connection that you possess. I reach to friends and family more to keep me motivated. I am more open to ask for help and fine if other person does not have time, there is no hesitation. If I need to hang around, I need a lot of help and a lot of energy to just hang around.
I wrote this as I find that expressing my emotions honestly helps me to connect more deeply with the people around me.