Pichaikkaran for love and affection of mother

pichai

Today I saw the movie Pichaikkaran with story that revolves around hero,  a rich business man, whose self-made mother has been hurt and wants to give best efforts to save her. Starts searching what he can provide beyond medical facilities, which are not causing impact in improving mother’s health. A baba or swamiji  suggests the son to explore alternate method beyond money – ” Take a role of beggar and beg for his mother’s life. for next 48 days, not revealing his identity to others and start every day with no money ” effectively  have faith on nature and humanity and ask for his mother’s life.

I am impacted high with the movie as I strongly feel that it is worth to beg for 48 days, if the faith and suffering by son can bring back a mother.  “I am Pichaikkaran for love and affection that comes from mother” and my mother died when I was 12 years old.

Having no mother helped me to respect  women knowing the value they bring on the table. Some women have said insensitive comments like “Do not try to gain things quoting your mother is not there.” at occasions. Though I have been angry with them. I never wanted any one to undergo pain of being without mother. I always fear of losing my loves ones.

In last 28 years, I learned “Do not ask what others do for you. Think what you can do for others“. Knowing my mother was active volunteer in malaria campaign of early 60s, I volunteer for social organizations. Still I feel that I am still Pichaikkaran for love and affection. If you want to know, please continue reading.

A mother is person, one takes for granted and one does a lot of things for you that you take them granted, in addition be a friend to whom you can be truthful and share your inner most fears and mistakes, with no fear of being exploited.

Here are some of my lost privileges in my first year of losing my mother and this loss in early childhood impacts me for long time. Before sharing what was lost, I am thankful and grateful for my friends who supported to cross my first and second year. J. Krishnamurti, A.Karthikeyan, V.Shankar, Nandha, Albert, Muri’s father and neighbors Iyappan Anna, Krishnan, Moses,Joy. One person,my strength today too is my mother’s sister, Vanaja.

Emotion of being Deserted:  My grandma and my mother’s sister who lived with us deserted me and I  was left to stay with my father. My sister  was too young and put to school with my father’s brother.

Emotion of Loneliness: On entering home from school, there would no one when I entered home. I need to find your own thing to eat/munch and some time there may be none.  I have to balance the time of playing games with enabling servant to enter & clean house.There were days that I went to sleep without seeing any family member. My father used to work late in 1980’s itself.

Food: I could not get food 3 times a day at home. I have to go to hotel and eat food every day and this gets repeated 3 times a day. I prefer to eat home due to this experience.

No food with love and affection. My father put me in relative place to take care of my food and he paid them. I did not get food made of love. I  would be hurt with harsh comments when I ask them for tasty food. One of  care taker’s son used to come to my house with reason to take care of me and used to read porno books. Exposed  to dark part of life and some of his actions when reminded relate to being abused sexually( looks like that today).

Fear and Loneliness is devil workshop. (I am in &th standard) Our house has garden and was not apartment and poart 9 pm, it is dark all sides. My father used to leave money at home. Some for my use and some were kept  in steel almirah. I used to use money to eat and purchase comic books. When money in hand is over and there is no one, I used to take from almirah. I used to think that money in-house can help me get rid of loneliness and pampering myself with chocolates  and comics as source of entertainment when no one is at house.

Fear and Scare of perfection: (I am in 7th standard) My father used to travel to Delhi regularly on office trips. My relative’s son used to stay with me.  When he used to come back, my father would not bring any thing for me. On might before one of his trips to Delhi, he inquired me why there was no money in safe place of steel Almira. I was scared  as I have taken some coins and never rupee notes. He shared with my relative about loss of money and I used to stay at their place during my father’s trip.

Not Cared and Exploited My relative beat me anything  and threatened to kill me if I fail to accept that I took all money. Tried and afraid of beating, I accepted. When my father came back, my relative shared that I accepted to take all the money.  My father judged that I have stolen money. I got thrashed by my father and he tried to tear my clothes and push me out of the house naked to make me ashamed of my action. He did not care as father to ask my side.

Getting exploited for others mistakes: While I was in my last  7th standard  exam,  my father had left money at home and went for personal work and comes back to find that money is not in place. For first time, my father realized there is another hand playing mischief and I thank Gods that I was in school writing exam

For the first time, he inquired with neighbor who shared that their daughter has seen an old boy putting stick through windows and trying to pull some thing and as she seen boy earlier when my father was also not at home with me, they did not feel wrong action. For first time, I realized that my father can only beat me with his assumptions and was not incapable of doing anything in this place. He tried to get in to conversation with my relative who was not ready to entertain him at all.

Mother believes her child unconditionally with love. Even when the child does mistake, the mother may beat child and she never allow others to beat the child.  

Loving Second mother does not solve issues. My father got married  when I was thirteen, a year after my mother died. We got a wonderful woman as our second mother, who was quite keen to take care of me and my sister as her children. My father and his mother talked  to her some thing to extent that these are not your children and she then resigned to state where she performed duties of my mother as provider and will not take ownership of a mother.

School Fees, Books and Notebooks: (I am in 8th standard). I used to go and buy my own books and note books. I used to wrap my own books and note books. Over time, I did this for my sister also. I paid my school fees from my 8th standard foir me and my sister.

Clothes and Washing: (I am in 8th standard) I used to have few clothes. I used to go to school wearing old and some time torn clothes and have to get approval to get new clothes.  You have only 3 pairs of clothes  and you need to wash clothes to have fresh set of clothes to wear.  Also learn to iron clothes. I ended up buying my dress for most of my life till marriage.

Groceries for home: (I am in 8th standard) As my second mother came from small town, she would request to buy groceries. I used to go and buy all groceries. Some time I used to take her is back seat of  my cycle to groceries and help her visit the medical dispensary when she is ill.